The Thin Line
by Mitrioselove
Summary: There is a thin line between love and hate. Dimitri and Rose walk this line every day, but this line crosses more than just how they feel about each other. It explains just how they feel about themselves. Trigger warning. Depression and more. Don't worry, happy ending.
1. Chapter 1

The sounds of skin slapping skin sounded off the walls of the small room. Their groans and moans could be heard throughout most of the frat house, even with the music blaring. But it was only met with the same thought as it was every other day "Fucking lucky Belikov". Every guy couldn't get past the point that someone like him could get a girl like her. But then again there was a fine line between love and hate. And their relationship had started with pure unadulterated hate.

Dimitri never thought he would ever be that guy, let alone that frat guy. He went to college with one thing on his mind, and that was to graduate with top honors and get a good job. His young life had not been easy, and he longed for a better adulthood. Although that was still his plan, he now saw the need to have a social life. That had been taught to him by his overly social roommate Adrian, way back when they were freshmen.

The two men had met on the first day of move in. Adrian the loud, cluttered one. And Dimitri the quiet, organized one. For some reason though they had never clashed. From the very beginning they had talked, joked, and done everything together. They both considered themselves brothers. Perhaps it was the fact that neither had ever had a brother, a real male influence, or even very many friends. No matter how close they were Adrian always knew Dimitri was hiding something from him, he simply never knew how to ask, after all Dimitri was the king of building walls, if he didn't want you to get in you were not getting in.

Adrian had been the reason both men had gone pledging to frats sophomore year. It had started off as a sick way for Adrian to party, but in the end, what had won Dimitri over was the fact that they actually did something worthwhile. Delta Omega was known for its huge acts of community service. Not only that they held fundraisers for all kinds of things, from helping aid crisis to raising money for childhood cancer. And even with all their hard work they still found time to party and be a bunch of boys. Even though it was far from perfect being part of the frat had been the first time Dimitri had felt like part of family. The guys all excepted him, flaws and all.

That was where Dimitri met her, or perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that was how he stumbled into her.

Rose was a complete mystery to everyone. She showed up every weekend to every party at the frat, but it was well known she didn't go to the college. No one had ever had the decency to ask her, but they also knew she probably wouldn't answer. Her fiery attitude kept most at bay. But if that didn't stop them, her killer right hook would.

Rose at the time lived with her very best friend. They had met at Rose's work, the summer after high school graduation. Lissa was everything Rose was not. Outgoing, bright, rich, and super religious, were a few ways to describe Lissa. She was also very close with her family. But that was not why both the girls clicked so well. Rose always felt a pull to protect Lissa. Rose saw Lissa as everything pure in the world, and the thought of that pureness being taken from her scared her. Rose became friends with Lissa to make sure she got everything Rose had never. And Lissa became friends with Rose to give her everything she had never received.

Dimitri stumbled into Rose for the first time on his way to his room. He had had one too many and just wanted his bed to pass out. Rose had been trying to leave, some guy getting too close and churning stuff inside her. It was frankly the worse time ever for them to meet.

Dimitri wasn't interested in the girls throwing themselves at him, he had sworn off women the day he caught Tasha his high school girlfriend in bed with his former best friend, Spiradon, that summer after sophomore year. Ever since the beginning of Junior year Dimitri had been a mess. And it didn't help matters that Tasha had showed up to his frat with that fucking guy on her arm. Being him, he had said nothing, simply downing more drinks than he could handle.

Rose needed air and fast. Most of the guys at the frat knew to give her space. They liked her, and yes of course saw her good looks, but they all knew Rose was not that kind of girl. The random freshmen at the party did not know this, so he hit on her, and grabbed her. The act causing Rose to react and punch him.

"Fuck off." Her voice was harsh as he watched her stumble towards the door, he didn't even get a second to say anything back. There was always someone to pick her up.

It was in that moment that Dimitri and Rose started to hate each other. They shouted a bit to each other before they went on their separate ways, every single weekend thereafter. And with every visit the hate grew and grew.

Dimitri couldn't stand her voice. Rose couldn't stand his too high and mighty act. Dimitri hated how she pranced around talking to everyone. Rose hated how he mostly stuck to corners, watching silently. They taunted each other to no end. They vocalized their hate, they did horrible things to each other. Throwing drinks, pushing, sticking gum in each other long hairs. Which was why when one Saturday came and they found themselves alone they did something they never thought they would.

In the hall they had been cornered in they yelled and screamed and pushed and shoved. Everyone stood by just out of sight worried but knew better than to step in. Those two where so headstrong, everyone knew if they tried to stop it, they would be the ones hurt. The only one unworried was Adrian in the corner a smirk on his face. Because if anyone knew how thin the line between love and hate it was him.

Dimitri prided himself for being in control but this fucking woman pushed all that control out the window. There was something about her "I don't give a shit" attitude that drove him insane. He never wanted to be abusive, and he never hurt her, but the damage he carried inside in was always there. No matter how good looking she was he told himself she was just like the rest of them, if not even worse. He had never heard her say anything nice, at least not to him. She treated him like he was the worlds trash, and he had had enough.

Rose couldn't stand people who thought themselves better than everyone else. And to her that was what Dimitri was. Someone who thought he was better than her, even though he knew nothing about her. She never understood why he disliked her so much. But then again, she had disliked him from day one. But she knew better, all men were the same, and she would no fall for his act, she would not let him bring her down.

A shove and a push turned into Dimitri getting punched. The sound making it around the corner and Adrian re thought his plan. He heard a growl coming from Dimitri but before Adrian could stop him Dimitri had Rose pinned to the wall. As Adrian hurried forward so he could get close enough to pause this mess, Rose moaned. He couldn't believe it, she was turned on by the angry Russian.

And as Dimitri threaded his hand and fingers in her hair roughly pulling her into a kiss, Adrian shooed everyone away who watched in awe and confusion. A smile making its way into his face. Dimitri would be pissed when it happened, but this was going to end with an "I told you so".

Once left alone things got heated and quickly. Dimitri lifted Rose off the ground without any struggle, she quickly wrapping herself around him. His sudden show of manliness making her hot, wet, and bothered. Dimitri was startled at how good she felt against him, he knew he had drank a bit but was it enough to make him do something this crazy. He pulled away as he entered his room taking a moment to look at the woman in his arms, this was crazy. But yet he was powerless, he had to kiss her again.

Rose couldn't believe she was on Dimitri's bed, kissing him, as she stripped him of his skin-tight shirt. God, she hated his stupid tight shirts, that showed all his stupid muscles. She hated even more how the bastard had a V in his lower abdomen. Rose hated everything about him but it just turned her on even more.

One time turned into two, then into three. Soon enough they had lost count, since every time they saw each other it ended the same way. They rarely talked and solely fucked, but there was something about it that felt so much more than hooking up. It was as if the other knew that deep down inside they shared the same secret.

"Want a beer?" After a few rounds Dimitri was parched.

Reaching into his mini fridge he opened two bottles, not even waiting for Rose to answer. She always took the beer no matter what. They would lay in bed naked and sweating, sipping on beers till Rose had to leave. There was never any cuddling and the kissing stopped as soon as the sex did. But there was something nice about them sitting together, naked, enjoying a beer.

"Don't you ever get sick of there being a party where you live?" Rose chugged the rest of her beer getting up to get another.

"Sometimes but that's why I get a room up here." Dimitri shrugged, taking his second beer from Rose's extended hand.

"You must be the reason the house looks a lot cleaner than it used to." Dimitri cringed, remembering how shitty the house used to be. He had stepped up and made them all clean before and after parties, things would get too out of hand if they didn't.

"Yea well if I got something from living with a hoard of women, it's that things need to be clean." He sunk into the bed, thinking about how his father would make sure the women would clean.

"My mother is the same way." Rose sighed thinking back to how her mother cared more about a clean house than her own daughter.

Silence filled the room again. This was how conversation usually flowed between the two. Information was not given all at once, little by little they learned about each other. A fact here, a memory shared there. They would both tell everyone they knew nothing about the other, but in reality, they knew more about each other than anyone else ever did.

Dimitri was raised by a single mother, because his father was rarely there, with three sisters and his grandmother. They had fled Russia heading to America because of an abusive father, because when Randall was there he was hell. He liked to make sure they all knew he was home, and for weeks after they would all bare the marks of that evil man. Dimitri never understood how his mother would let that happen. It wasn't until his grandmother Yeva stepped in that it stopped, but by then it was a little too late.

Rose had lived with her mother, never knowing her father, but having her share of abusive step fathers. Her mother could never keep a man, perhaps because she always would pick the wrong ones. Rose was sure her mother still longed for her father, but the reason he was gone was never told to her. Janine simply lived her life like Rose was not there. She brought men in and out of the house, never seeing what they did to Rose. Or perhaps she really never cared.

Dimitri and Rose both bonded over the lack of positive male influence in their lives, almost like Adrian and Dimitri. But it was different. Very different when the men in your life took advantage, beat you and belittled you. Or worse.

"What do you do when you're not here?" The question Dimitri asked, had been dwelling in his mind. He had wanted to ask her, curious as to what she did on her weekdays, but had been too timid until now. Which was almost comical seeing as being naked around each other would be considered being as vulnerable as one would be.

"Umm." Rose looked over at him about to tell him to fuck off, thought better of it and told him what she had never told anyone before, the truth. "I work. I've been working since I graduated high school, in hopes to save up for college."

"You almost there?" Dimitri put his beer down turning to face her.

"Oh no." She sighed and started to peel the label off the beer. "I had to get my own place so most of my money goes towards rent. I use to have a roommate but she moved in with her boyfriend recently."

"That's too bad." Dimitri's eyebrows furrowed, he was surprised at how he felt about what she had just said.

Although known for her anger issues everyone truly did like Rose. She made friends with most people, and aside from how she used to treat Dimitri, she was sweet and nice to all. She gave people a chance without trying and would willingly help anyone who needed aid. But aside from what she presented no one knew anything about her, it was the way she wanted it. She was convinced no one would want her around if they truly knew how badly her passed had fucked her up.

Being beaten and abused by the men your mother brought home, well it did things to you. You learned to distrust, to fear, and hide from those people you were supposed to rely on. Not only that it caused you to turn to people, friends you never thought you would. School had been hell until she had entered high school. There she found a few good people, and a whole lot of boys to keep her mind and body busy. She hated doing what she did, but it was better to choose the guys you had sex with than letting them choose you.

"Have you put in an ad for another roommate?" Dimitri was grasping at straws tonight, but something from the moment he had seen her earlier was bothering him about her. Perhaps it was his own thoughts and plans sinking into what he saw in her. He had been trying hard to make sure no one knew what and how he had been feeling lately.

"Nah there's no point." Rose sunk into the bed.

"It's a college area it shouldn't be so hard to find someone." Again, Rose sunk even further.

"It won't matter after this weekend."

"Why not?"

"Yea well I got to go." Rose shot up panic surging through her, she didn't want Dimitri to find out what she had planned for the end of this weekend.

"It's not even 11." Dimitri stood up with her somewhat thrown off by her sudden departure, she usually left well past 2am and they would go at it a few more times.

"Yea well, I'm not feeling so festive."

Rose started to get dressed, and all Dimitri could do was watch her. He wanted to stop her, though he knew better. If she wanted to leave he would let her leave. Something had always bothered him about her, and it definitely had to do with the fact that Rose didn't get to choose a lot in her life. He somewhat knew the feeling. They hadn't left Russia until he was 15, and by then his father had beat, abused him and his siblings in a way no father, or person should ever.

That was why Dimitri and Rose clicked. They had never said anything, but it was clear as day that they had both been sexually and physically abused. For the pain and suffering they had endured, they were both doing pretty well. They had hinted at how bad things had been for them but had never told each other how bad exactly. Both knew deep down inside that they both had lived through hell and back. Though Dimitri wished Rose was getting better.

Dimitri on other hand had started to think things would never get better, especially after finding out his father had come back, and his mother had taken him back willingly. His college time had been threatened seeing as his father thought Olena should not pay for aid anymore. Dimitri was getting worse and worse as time went by, but no one was the wiser. The thought that his mother could take Randall back after everything he had done to him, to all of them, hurt him so much more than anyone would knew. He felt hopeless and lost.

Rose had hope until her friend had gotten up and left. She knew Lissa meant no harm, but she also knew Lissa had no idea how much her presence meant to Rose. Rose felt a better person with Lissa, and now that she was alone again, she found herself falling back into her old ways, her old thoughts. She had no money, no help, and worse she felt like a total failure. She never wanted anyone to know just how bad everything was, much less Dimitri.

"You free tomorrow night?" Rose turned to him her eyes roaming his body.

"I don't think so." She was pulling away, she did this when she felt things were getting too serious.

"Oh, come on. Let's get dinner or something. They are throwing another party and I don't feel like it tomorrow." Dimitri had no idea why he was asking, after this weekend, he knew things would end.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Rose sighed her hands going through her hair. The idea actually sounded nice, but she had sworn after high school she would never let any man get in her way.

"Are you sure? I mean are you working?" Dimitri for some reason could not stop himself from asking, pleading. Something about Rose was throwing red signs up to him. Signs that perhaps he saw in himself.

"Yea." They both knew it was a lie. Rose was always free weekend nights. Her job was only during the day, she lucky enough to snag a 9 to 5 bank telling job.

"OK then." Without thinking Dimitri leaned in and hugged her. They held each other close, something neither had done.

And with that they both went their separate ways. Neither said good bye, and as they looked into each other's eyes it was as if they both knew they never planned to see each other again.

Come Sunday night, Adrian got a feeling. He had not seen Dimitri for most of the weekend. If he was being honest he had not seen much of Dimitri in the past month. It was as if someone had come in and taken over the Dimitri he knew and loved. He had pushed it aside, thinking he was fine. He knew Rose was keeping him busy, and at least he wasn't alone. But Rose had not showed up Saturday night. She came every weekend, both nights. She would mingle then go hang out with Dimitri. Neither had shown face, and the thought bothered Adrian more than he thought it should.

"Has anyone seen Dimitri?" Adrian was met with blank stares and heads nodding no.

Faster than he had ever run in his life Adrian surged to Dimitri's room. His gut twisted and his mind roared. He hoped his thoughts were wrong but something was telling him he should have checked on his friend sooner. He was met with a locked door, but he refused to let that stop him. He banged and called but received no answer. With strengthen he never knew he possessed he slammed his body into the door, the scene he found was one that would stay with him forever.

Lissa had tried calling Rose all Saturday and had been sent to voicemail every time. When she tried again Sunday she felt something in her telling her she had to go to Rose. She knew she had been putting Rose aside and it had been eating at her. That was why she had sworn she would find Rose this weekend and make up for her selfish ways. She knew Rose didn't really have friends, and she never even mentioned her family. So even without Rose saying much she knew she was all Rose had. And Lissa felt the same way, until she had met Christian.

"Rose open up!" The petite blonde banged on the door as soon as she got to it. She wondered if Rose could hear her over the music. She hit the door again, this time hard enough to slip.

Looking down Lissa saw water seeping from the bottom of the door. Why would there be water? Without thinking anymore, she reached for the top of the frame finding her old key. She opened the door as fast as she could, rushing inside, slipping some more. The water coming from the bathroom, had her running faster. And when she got to the bathroom the sight before her would forever haunt her.

Dimitri woke up coughing, his throat ached, and his tongue seemed to be swollen. He couldn't help but feel confused, he assumed in death he would be relieved from all kinds of pain. But the physical pain was there, and soon after the mental pain hit as well. He had been told his whole life, by his father no less, that he would never be able to do anything right. And apparently that was true, he couldn't even kill himself.

"Dimitri." His name was whispered softly from the side and he soon felt even more aching this time in his heart.

Adrian sat beside him his emerald eyes wide, cradled by black patches, telling of lack of sleep. What was worse, the look of pain and suffering in those eyes. He had never really known how much Adrian cared for him until that moment. It was something Dimitri had never had, someone who cared for him and would be there no matter what. So, for the first time in his life, Dimitri cried.

Adrian soon joined, the image of his friend hanging from a rope a constant in his mind. He never would have thought Dimitri was that sad, that depressed to do something like that. It was then and there that he swore he would find out those hidden secrets. He held his dear friend close, promising to never leave his side again.

Pain shot through Rose, starting from her wrists. The pain was sharp, and consuming. She felt lethargic as she opened her eyes, as if her body was running on low fuel. And it probably was. The hospital room confirmed what she already knew, she had not succeeded. She could not tell if she was relieved or upset. She did not want to be here anymore.

"Rose." Lissa's soft voice shocked her.

Lissa had never looked so horrible in her life. Not that Rose would actually think that. She looked weak and stressed her eyes wide. Immediately Rose knew it had been Lissa who had found her, it was her after all that had been calling her all weekend. Rose taking in her friend wept loudly.

Lissa leaned forward hugging her friend, tightly as to make sure she would never lose her. Lissa had found Rose in the tub, the water running red. Rose was out, and she had thought she was too late. She knew Rose has issues but she had never thought she would try to kill herself.

Days later Rose got a visit from someone she had barely ever talked to. Adrian walked in, looking no better than Lissa had. For a moment she wondered how he found out, and if he knew why hadn't Dimitri come to see her?

"Hey." Her voice was low causing Adrian to make sure he had actually heard her, but as soon as he saw her his anger took hold.

"How could you do this? Did you guys plan this out?" Rose looked at him confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"You and Dimitri? Was it some fucked up deal or something?" Adrian stormed closer, his eyes crazy. "DO neither of you know how much you are cared for? Loved?"

"Where's Dimitri?" Rose's heart sank as thoughts filled her about what Adrian could mean.

"Two rooms down." Adrian suddenly looked at Rose wondering if he had been wrong.

"Why is he ok?" Panic surged through her as she thought of Dimitri. Had he hurt himself after he found out? Had he been in an accident?

"Neither of you knew?" He sunk down in the chair beside Rose. "You both tried to kill yourselves. You both did it and neither of you knew what you had planned."

Rose stayed silent. Her mind almost numb. The thought of Dimitri killing himself cut deep, why would he do that? Rose thought he was strong, at least stronger than her. Yet if Adrian was telling the truth he had done the same as her.

"Is he ok?" Rose looked up her eyes shining with tears.

"The doctors said he will be ok. Some minor surgery may be needed but, he's alive." Rose simply nodded her head, soon dropping it onto her pillow.

Months later Dimitri found himself walking from his, hopefully last, appointment. He would still have to see a therapist weekly, but he seemed to be done with his medical stuff. He would forever bare a scar on his neck, but he hoped it would be a constant reminder of the second chance he was given. His thoughts were still dark, and some days he did feel like quitting but he knew better now. He was not alone, and things could get better.

After Dimitri found out about Rose he sunk into a deeper depression. He somehow blamed himself for her attempt. He saw something in her and yet said nothing. Perhaps they had both been too far gone to actually help the other. But for that reason, Dimitri had not dared to see her. He could not look at her and not think that she may hate him. It was irrational but it was there.

But fate had other plans. Just like they had first met Dimitri stumbled into Rose. Both looked up suddenly, taking loud breaths in. Time stood still as they both took the other in. Rose noticed his scar and tried to cover hers but Dimitri had already seen them. A chuckle left both their lips as they made eye contact. They had no idea why they had been avoiding each other in that moment.

Without words Dimitri bent down to her height and caressed her cheek. Slowly his head moved closer to hers, until their foreheads met. Rose closed the intimate space with her lips. It was the first kiss they had ever shared like this. All other times it had led to sex, but this time it would not.

"You hungry?" Dimitri pulled away but his lips still lingered as he asked the question.

"Starving."

Both knew the road would be rough, patches needing repair, but they needed each other. They always had. You see because the line between love and hate is thin.

 _ **As many of you know I like to write about topics like this. I can relate to them, and well after the year I have had I needed this. It has actually taken me close to the year to write this. I started thinking it was going to be an M rated one shot all mush but it turned into this. Sorry if its too depressing. Anyway I am working on a new chapter for Assassins Assailant. Let me know what you thought.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Just because you admit that you have a problem doesn't mean you've addressed the issue. That was the hardest part for Rose and Dimitri. They knew what they had done, and even knew the reasons behind their actions, but had yet to see why what they had done was a problem. Perhaps it was the fact that it was being called a problem, because both had been a "problem" for most of their lives.

Dimitri had the hardest time talking about how he felt. Because he had never had the option to speak his mind. Even after leaving his home for college he kept his mouth shut and did as told. The abuse he had lived through was always there in the back of his mind. He had been naturally a quiet child, but as the abuse grew the more he withdrew into himself. Speaking out of turn always ended the same way, with pain.

Every time Dimitri opened his mouth to speak to Dr. Dashkov he promptly closed it again. Dimitri knew the man was there to help him, he had told him so many times. He had also told him he wasn't there to judge, or even decide anything for Dimitri. Yet, he remained quiet. He would talk about small things, the weather, his frat and even his friends, but never the real issues at hand. And when the dear good doctor suggested that perhaps some medication would help, Dimitri had left the office swearing to never return.

Rose was handling her own doctor in another way. She spoke openly to the kind woman name Deidre, but it was never about her past. Rose would tell her about how she felt, how she knew she needed help, and even accepted the woman's medications. Rose just did not want to talk about her past. And Deidre could not let that go. Both women knew that Rose's past was the key to her future. It was a fact Rose hated.

Rose didn't want to admit that deep down inside she blamed her mother. She had been a minor after all when all those men had come in and out of her mothers life. Her mother had never apologized after finding out what had happened to her one and only daughter. And worse yet she had even doubted that anything had happened to Rose. To Rose that was unforgivable.

"Hey." Dimitri looked up from his seated position on his bed. Adrian stood in the doorway his eyes scanning the room, he couldn't get the image of Dimitri hanging in the middle of the room. He had tried to get Dimitri to get another room but that had gotten a firm no.

"Hey." Adrian walked into the room taking a seat on the bed next to his friend.

"Have a bad session?" Adrian knew the moment Dimitri returned that something had gone wrong. Dimitri hated his sessions on a normal day, but today seemed to be the worse.

"He fucking told me I needed medication." Dimitri's words were filled with venom.

"My mom takes pills." When he was met with a blank stare Adrian continued. "I guess after having me my mother had a hard time. So she had to take medication for it. She tried many times to get off of them, but she just needs them. She's bipolar. So it's like a life thing."

"I'm not bipolar." Adrian smirked knowing his friend was just trying to find any reason to not take what he needed.

"You and I both know the medication isn't just for being bipolar. It's about you being depressed enough to try and almost succeed in killing yourself." Dimitri winced at Adrian's words.

"I've never needed them before." Dimitri's shoulders sagged, his mind reeling yet feeling slow and strained.

"Maybe you did need them before. You've just never had the resources to get properly cared for." Dimtiri groaned falling back onto the bed.

"I just want to do this without pills. I've never had the chance to get the help so I want to try." His logic was solid but it did have holes.

"It's been months Dimitri. And you're still low. I still worry about you." Dimtiri sat up about to yell at Adrian but he was cut off. "You can't tell me you're feeling better, cause your not. I mean are you even talking at your sessions or are you still trying to stall?"

"I'm not stalling. I just don't even know what to say. How do you sum up everything you feel, and everything you went through into such simple words." Dimitri ran his finger through his hair in frustration. "I'm not even making any sense."

"You're making perfect sense. I think you're trying to sum up how you feel like it's just one thing though. Perhaps you can start with something more recent. How you felt that day, that weekend before you did what you did."

"I guess that makes sense." It was a simple suggestion but it made perfect sense to Dimitri. If he could sum up everything maybe he could do it piece by piece.

"You seem different." Lissa watched as Rose floated around her kitchen prepping a snack for them.

"I feel different. I mean I'm in no way feeling one hundred percent, but it's like I can see all the bad, but also the good." Rose smiled at her friend coming closer to her with a bowl of fruits.

"Well that's great then!" Lissa plopped a cherry into her mouth, watching as Rose did the same.

"I just really don't wanna talk about my mother though." Rose leaned against the counter, she could talk to Lissa about it all day long. But Lissa wasn't helping, because the girl really didn't know what to say or do.

"Just talk to her like you do to me." Rose looked at Lissa already shaking her head.

"It's not that easy. You kind of already knew about my mother. It's easier with you." Lissa reached for Rose's hands bringing her closer.

"Maybe I can go with you?" Rose looked up shocked.

"You would do that?"

"Rose I would do anything for you. You're part of my family, I love you." Lissa had said those words to Rose many times, but Rose had never understood them. Until then in that moment.

Rose and Dimitri had seen each other only a handful of times since they bumped into each other. It was partly because they had gotten back to their regular schedules and their added therapy sessions took time. But mostly it was because they were concerned about seeing each other. Neither wanted to bother the other. It did not mean that they didn't want to see each other. Rose longed for those times of quiet by his side, not needing to talk to feel a connection with someone. Dimitri missed how at ease he felt when they just sat together. The small talk had seemed like nothing to them back then, but now they both saw it had been what had kept them hanging on for as long as they had.

So when Rose had opened the door on a random Wednesday night, to a soft knock, she had been shocked to see Dimitri standing there. A small shy smile on his lips, and a bag of take out hanging by his side. He looked tired, and thinner, still as gorgeous as could be.

"I, umm, wanted Chinese. And bought too much. I remembered you liked it." Dimitri almost looked lost as he spoke the words. And Rose couldn't help but feel bad that she hadn't at least tried to call him.

"I love it. And I'm actually starving." Rose had just gotten off a shift and hadn't had time to cook yet.

"You look good." Dimitri's eyes travelled up and down Rose, noting she had filled in. Not in a bad way either. It was almost as if she started working out.

"Thanks. I signed up for the gym last month. Been trying to take out some stuff in a good workout." Dimitri nodded only, trying to figure out what else was making Rose look so good.

"That sounds like a good thing. I use to workout all the time. I haven't in a while." The since when hovered in the air, as they both knew why he had stopped.

"I joined the one on Main St. maybe you can join and we can go together." Rose paused looking at the floor a slight blush on her cheeks. "I mean I don't really know what I'm doing."

"That's not a bad idea. I probably should start again. I'm out of shape." Dimitri followed Rose to the small table she had and placed the food down.

"You look, thinner. Are you ok?" Rose hadn't meant to ask but she couldn't help but notice and be worried.

"Yea." Dimitri harshly sat in the chair, running his hands through his hair roughly. "I guess I've been having a hard time."

"I thought you were talking to someone too?" Rose watched and Dimitri lifted his head some guilt flashing in his eyes.

"I'm having a hard time actually talking to them." Rose nodded understanding. At first she hadn't known what to say, now she could talk but was still not talking about everything she should be.

"I talk but I really can't talk about my main thing, you know." Dimitri reached across the table taking Rose's small hand in his.

"I'm so messed up you know? I thought once I left my house and went to college I'd feel free, but it's like I never left sometimes." Rose held Dimitri's eyes as she moved closer now holding both his hands.

"I know the feeling. I left my mother a long time now but it's like she always here."

"It's like no matter what you do they put stuff in your head." Dimitri answered back and Rose nodded quickly.

"You spend all this time running but it's like you get no where." Rose sighed well knowing her mother and her mothers men had messed her up, but she could try to move past it. "My mom didn't hit me, and she never really yelled. But she dated a lot of bad men."

It was a small bit of information but saying it made Rose feel just a little better. She had tipped toed around saying it to Lissa, but everything had been implied. She had never actually told Lissa, she had simply guessed. But looking at Dimitri she knew she could tell him.

"They would come over and she would passed out." Rose took a shaking breath and then let go. "They would Force me to do things with them. They forced me to have sex, to pleasure them. And my mother never did anything. When I said something she called me a liar, a whore."

Dimitri didn't say anything. Because honestly there was nothing he could say to make it better. He knew hearing I'm sorry never helped. What would have helped was someone helping Rose. Her mother seeing that she was harming her child, letting her child be hurt.

"How old were you?" It seemed like an odd question for Dimitri to ask but Rose didn't even flinch.

"The first time I was 12. I had started to hit puberty and looked older. The first guy told me as much, blamed me for being too pretty."

"My father was the only man in my mothers life." Rose knew that no one had ever heard what Dimitri was going to say. Unlike her Dimitri didn't speak about anything, so nothing could be implied. "It started when I noticed my mother was being hit. I must of been no older than 6. I tried to tell my father to stop and instead he dragged me into my room and proceeded to touch me and tell me he was the man of the house."

"Did your mother know?" Rose held onto him tighter. Well knowing the feeling of being touched with consent.

"Not at first. But she knew that he was doing something to me. And when she found out she tried to say something but he beat her so badly she almost died. After that he did what he wanted when he wanted."

Both sat in silence for a long time. At one point they let go of their hands and started taking out the food. They ate in silence, tension almost so thick neither could breathe. But they didn't regret saying anything. Only the other would understand, would be ok with hearing what they had just heard and not even flinch. That was what Dimitri and Rose needed. They didn't want sympathy or pity, they wanted someone to listen and not try to solve the problem.

It became a habit after that. That and going to the gym every weekend together. They went for an hour at least and barely talked. But every Wednesday at 830 pm sharp Dimitri would show up at Rose's place food in hand. Some days it was take out, but most days he would buy ingredients and make Rose dinner. Just like their days when they would have sex, they let out a little information about themselves here and there. A

Memory of their horrible past. A person who hurt them. A nightmare. And little by little the talk turned into how it made them feel. Months were spent like this until one day Rose finally asked Dimitri what he had been hoping she wouldn't.

"Why won't you take the medication?"

The question hung in the air for a long time. Why wouldn't he take the medication? It was simply just a small pill. A pill that could make him feel better. A pill that wouldn't make all the bad disappear but could make it more bearable.

"I don't want to be weak." After all this time he finally could answer the question.

"I get it. I kind of felt that way." Rose kept eating trying not to make a big deal.

"I'm not calling you weak." Dimitri immediately felt horrible. He knew she took the medication and in no way wanted to make her feel that way.

"No, no. Dimitri I get it. It's different for everyone. I know it's more about you and how you feel. I didn't think that way. Other things make me feel weak. But this makes you feel that and it's ok. I get it." Dimitri stared at her for a second knowing exactly what she was saying.

"It's stupid I know."

"No it's not." And with those words Rose made him rethink exactly why the pill made him feel weak. A memory from long ago flickered in his mind.

"My father once told me that nothing would ever make me feel better. That he would forever be in charge of how I feel, think and act." Rose nodded letting him know she was listening. "Maybe I should take the medication. I mean am I really not cause of him?"

"You shouldn't do anything you don't want to. But if you want something you should be doing it cause you want to."

A week later Dimitri told DR. Dashkov that he wanted to try out the medication. It came with the condition that he didn't have to talk about everything but he had to open up just a bit. So Dimitri tried by talking about his father beating his mother. It was about him, but it stirred things a little away from highlighting himself.

After about two months Dimitri finally started to feel different. He didn't know how to pin point it, but it was there. His thoughts didn't weigh as much, his negative energy dispersing a little. It was enough to have Dimitri running to Rose's door on a random Friday night.

"Hey whatcha doing here!" Rose smiled at him, she had started to feel butterflies every time she saw him recently, and him randomly showing made them flutter violently.

"You busy?" Dimtri was bouncing on his toes and Rose laughed, he had been acting so much happier lately.

"Not at all, come in." She waved him in and when she looked up Dimitri was right there, inches from her face.

"Can I kiss you?" It was impulsive and sudden, but Dimitri suddenly wanted to kiss Rose with everything in him.

"You can kiss me anytime." Rose's words were a soft whisper and her heart thumped loudly.

When their lips met they were both breathless. How many times had they kissed before? It was as if this was their first kiss. They were cautious, and soft. Their lips met over and over but they stayed that way. Until finally Dimitri pulled away.

"Let me take you on a date?"

"Like right now?" Rose giggled as Dimitri grabbed her coat trying to put her in it.

"You said you weren't busy." Dimitri started at her excitement filling him.

"Ok yea let's go."

And from that day on. Their lives changed. No one ran their lives but themselves. Things weren't completely fixed, but both Dimitri and Rose could see a future. A future run by them and not their past.


End file.
